Only Memories of Love Letters

Journal entry of a pregnant woman with insomnia.

Monday July 6, 2009

I can't sleep as usual.  So I turned on the T.V.  I ended up watching the movie The Jane Austen Book Club.  It was a decent movie.  Towards the end of the movie they talk about how in many of Jane Austen's books, she would have a profound letter written by one of the main characters.  It got me thinking of when Wolfy and I used to write letters to each other.  Letters in high school when all we seemed to write about was silly teenager things. Classes, parents, sports, and yada yada yada. I still loved getting them. It wasn't so much what the letters were about, but the fact that he actually took the time to write them. For years we would write letters back and forth to each other and every time I would always get butterflies before opening up an envelope from him.  We were apart so much we must have written hundreds of letters. Letters when I was in college, when he was in military boot camp, when he was in military schooling. I used to stalk the mail box wherever I was just waiting for a letter. I miss it.  Seeing his little man scribbles on the page. And no matter what random topic he was writing about he always ended the letter with something so romantic and loving that it just melted my heart. I never ever got tired of getting his letters. 

Unfortunately, staying in a house where there is completely no privacy, I realized some one had been snooping through my letter box. I wish I hadn't... but I decided to trash all my letters. It was so hard. All those letters.  All the things that he wrote to me. I had to rip up a letter one by one.  I made sure to read them all one more time before I did though. But of course my memory fails me and now I can't remember a single word from those letters.  I don't have a wonderful little box of memories to go back to. They were proof of how wonderful young love was. How much we had been through over the years. I only remember that they existed.  But just thinking back and knowing that they did exist, make me fall in love with Wolfy all over again.