Monday, November 12, 2012

The Invitation - Oriah

The Invitation
~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living

I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

© 1995 by Oriah House, From "Dreams Of Desire"

Published by Mountain Dreaming, 300 Coxwell Avenue, Box 22546, Toronto, Ontario, Canada 


Friday, November 2, 2012

This is My Happy Place

Aahh, this is my happy place.  Reading Blogs that I love, fresh coffee in the mug, and even a homemade oatmeal cookie.  I miss this.  

I'm a complex person.  I have more than just one side to me.  I love being a mother and a homemaker.  But the athlete in me needs some time to play too.  No, I'm not actually playing volleyball anymore, but I coach.  So I've been off the Blog for months now.  My season is over, so I get time to do the little things.  Bust mostly I've missed baking, blogging, and reading.  I've been doing a lot of reading, just not any of the hoards of books I have stacked up in my bookcase and my closet.  I appreciate these little things much more when I haven't had the time or energy to do them.  

But I won't have the time for long.  I'm coaching another season this coming January.  I was a bit scared to take on boys team, and to take on another season of busy-ness in my home.  Especially after dropping the ball with some of the things I was suppose to remember to do for my kids. That was a low point for me.  My kids are first and foremost my priority.  So when I forgot to sign my kids up for free tutoring because I missed the deadline. I then proceeded to sit in my car and cry.  

The day before I had just been offered a coaching position and I was on cloud nine.  But I dropped down pretty quick when I realized I am slacking off in the Mommy department.  I even contemplated NOT taking the job at all.  I was making all kinds of excuses to stay home and do the easy thing.  Just be a stay at home mom.  But, I realized it was my fear talking.  And a little bit of laziness too.  This coming season will require a lot more out of me.  Better organization in the dinner department, homework with the kids, and house cleaning duties.  Not to mention potty training the twins.  And none of this includes the time I have to put in for volleyball.  Planning practice, actual practice, and admin duties.  This scares me.  I'm not the type of person who likes being busy.  I'm naturally chill and laid back, so this scares me.  


My two older kids love me coaching.  They come to my practices and games and they love it.  They meet my team and they love it.  They hit the balls over the net and they have a ball.  They watch me coach and just smile.  

I'm scared.  I don't want to be this busy Mom that drops the ball on her kids.  But I also love it when my daughter sees me doing something that I love.  I want my son to see me speaking in front of groups of people and know that someday he can do the same without being so nervous.  I want them to hear me yelling at my team "Don't give up!" and know that I don't just say these things to them.  But mostly I want them to be proud of me.  

The thing is, at this age, my kids are always proud of me.  So, I'll enjoy it while it lasts.  Teenage years have not invaded my home yet.  Wish me luck, and as always prayers are always appreciated.