Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Long distance relationships suck!

How to survive a long distance relationship? Hmmm... DON'T HAVE ONE!  Seriously.  Take it from me, it is horrible.  Wolfy and I were dating five years before we got married and I'd say 90% of those five years were spent apart.  The only thing long distance did was reek havoc on my emotions, sanity, and my body.  I don't know how Wolfy and I did it for so long.  I'm so glad we made it through those times, but we had it hard back then.  We didn't have emails.  We wrote good ole fashion hand written letters and sent them through snail mail.  We didn't have cell phones.  I rushed home everyday to make sure I didn't miss his calls, so basically I was stuck at home.  We didn't have Skype or Facebook.  I literally didn't see his face for months at a time.  For five long years this was us, and it sucked!

In high school, even when we were in the same city, we hardly got to see each other.  Samoan parents don't allow dating. My parents never allowed me to go out with friends, let alone a boyfriend. There was no way I was going to ask to go on a "date". Ha! Yea right!

My first year away to college was very hard on us.  I think we broke up and got back together at least twice that year.  But I was able to go home for holidays.  And each time it was so awkward being in each other's presence again.

One night in particular I remember.  Wolfy and I planned to get together and hang out and talk.  Nothing big we were just going to drive to the beach. I just wanted to see him after being away for so long. Wolfy picked me up and we drove to our beach lookout spot.  The moon was out and lit up the ocean water so beautifully like a thousand romantic candles guiding a pathway to the sky.  We sat on a bench and looked out to the beautiful view.  You would think with such a romantic setting Wolfy and I would have been all over each other. Except we weren't.  It was awkward.  Here we were, two people who were madly in love, and we just sat there, quiet for what felt like hours.  I tried making small talk, but it felt stupid like I was trying to make conversation with a random stranger.  Ugh, I hated that feeling.  That awkward feeling of forgetting how to actually BE together after being apart for months.  But that was after our first year of being long distance.  Sadly I just got used to being away from him.  And after lots of practice, seeing him after months apart wasn't as awkward as that first year away.  

But then it was replaced by horrible goodbyes.  I hated leaving Wolfy.  I would literally get sick every time I had to leave him.  One time in particular was the worst ever that I can remember.  Wolfy's mother and I had flown to see him graduate from Navy bootcamp.  I hadn't seen him or talked to him in 3 months.  In bootcamp he could only write letters to me.  And they didn't get much free time to write so his letters were always very short.  Being there with his mother was bittersweet because Wolfy didn't like being too affectionate in front of his Mom.  But I was just so happy to know that he was safe, and healthy, even if he was a little too skinny.  We got to spend a day and half with him and then we had to fly back home.  The drive to the airport was the loneliest drive ever even though Wolfy's mom was with me in the car.  But I was holding up pretty well I even surprised myself.  

That was until we got to our terminal.  We were early so we just sat there and waited.  It had given me too much time to think about Wolfy and how much I was missing him already.  Slowly the tears started to well up.  Then they flowed like a river.  Then the pain in my chest starts pounding so hard I could feel it in my ears with every heart beat.  I didn't want Wolfy's mom to see me so pathetic so I just laid my head down like I was napping, and tried my best to mask my sobbing.  Wolfy's mom finally noticed I was crying and put her hand on my back to try and comfort me.  It only brought on an even worse wave of pain.  I was a mess.  Even worse I made Wolfy's mom cry too.  The two of us looked like basket cases just sitting there crying.  I didn't care.  I just wanted to be with Wolfy, but I couldn't, so I was going to cry myself into a stupor.  When we were finally on the plane I welcomed the chance to cry myself to sleep.  The comfort of not having to be awake and thinking of him was all I wanted.   

The pain of that day is what made me wake up to the fact that I just couldn't do it any longer.  I was tired of being away from Wolfy.  I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but after that day, I decided to actually do something about it.  I can't remember exactly how long, but I think it was 6 months later we were married.  =)  And I guess the rest is history.  

Wolfy and I have been married 12 years now and I spend so much time with him that sometimes if I ask to go away for the weekend Wolfy's "sure go ahead" comes out before I can even finish asking. lol  Never in my wildest dreams, when I was sitting in that airport, did I think I would ever get to a point that Wolfy and I didn't mind being away from each other for a weekend.  But that's life.  If you don't push through the bad'll never get to see the good times.  The BEST times.  


  1. Thank you Reenie for sharing your story and being a great example of strength and perseverance.

    I can truly say I have gained a valuable life lesson in your words - "If you don't push through the bad'll never get to see the good times. The BEST times."

    Thanks again for sharing.

  2. Thanks Joan. I really do appreciate it! I wish my younger cousins would be as open to my lessons. lol It's in one ear and out the other. How are you?

  3. Hey Reenie. Just dropped by to see whats new in the blogging world. Yes, I'm all open to learning from others experiences. I never really had older cousins or siblings around much growing up. So I would have loved having someone like you to talk to etc..

    I'm OK. Everyday brings new challenges. But I try to move forward the best I can.
    Thank you for your concern.

    Anyways.. just keeping it short & sweet.

    :) Take Care. J

  4. Really loving your blog and reading through these honest and thought provoking posts. They have made me smile and say "me too" lol looking forward to following your blog more!

  5. Thank you so much Betty! I always love finding out that others have gone through or are going through similar things. It lets me know I'm not alone in this crazy little world in my crazy little mind. =)