I'm a complex person. I have more than just one side to me. I love being a mother and a homemaker. But the athlete in me needs some time to play too. No, I'm not actually playing volleyball anymore, but I coach. So I've been off the Blog for months now. My season is over, so I get time to do the little things. Bust mostly I've missed baking, blogging, and reading. I've been doing a lot of reading, just not any of the hoards of books I have stacked up in my bookcase and my closet. I appreciate these little things much more when I haven't had the time or energy to do them.
But I won't have the time for long. I'm coaching another season this coming January. I was a bit scared to take on boys team, and to take on another season of busy-ness in my home. Especially after dropping the ball with some of the things I was suppose to remember to do for my kids. That was a low point for me. My kids are first and foremost my priority. So when I forgot to sign my kids up for free tutoring because I missed the deadline. I then proceeded to sit in my car and cry.
The day before I had just been offered a coaching position and I was on cloud nine. But I dropped down pretty quick when I realized I am slacking off in the Mommy department. I even contemplated NOT taking the job at all. I was making all kinds of excuses to stay home and do the easy thing. Just be a stay at home mom. But, I realized it was my fear talking. And a little bit of laziness too. This coming season will require a lot more out of me. Better organization in the dinner department, homework with the kids, and house cleaning duties. Not to mention potty training the twins. And none of this includes the time I have to put in for volleyball. Planning practice, actual practice, and admin duties. This scares me. I'm not the type of person who likes being busy. I'm naturally chill and laid back, so this scares me.
My two older kids love me coaching. They come to my practices and games and they love it. They meet my team and they love it. They hit the balls over the net and they have a ball. They watch me coach and just smile.
I'm scared. I don't want to be this busy Mom that drops the ball on her kids. But I also love it when my daughter sees me doing something that I love. I want my son to see me speaking in front of groups of people and know that someday he can do the same without being so nervous. I want them to hear me yelling at my team "Don't give up!" and know that I don't just say these things to them. But mostly I want them to be proud of me.
The thing is, at this age, my kids are always proud of me. So, I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Teenage years have not invaded my home yet. Wish me luck, and as always prayers are always appreciated.