A Tale of Two Weddings...part 1

This past weekend was our 13th Wedding Anniversary.  Wolfy and I actually have two Wedding Anniversary dates.  


Our first wedding was in Las Vegas in March.  Yes we actually got married in Vegas.  But it wasn't suppose to be that way.  At least that's what I realized afterwards.  Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong.  


My parents were not at my first wedding.  I was raised in a Catholic home by two very devout Catholic parents, and they wanted no part of a wedding in Las Vegas.  That was like my parents worst nightmare come true.  Their "good daughter" was on a downward spiral and they couldn't stop it.  Oh, but they tried. I almost canceled the wedding.  The week before my wedding my mom got my Auntie to call me.  She cried on the phone and pleaded with me to not go through with it.  I was suppose to get married in the church, with all my family around, and with my parents there.  But it was too late.  Arrangements had already been made and we couldn't just pull out or else Wolfy's parents would have lost money.  


So we headed to Vegas.  We didn't even get a chance to settle into our rooms because I had to go to a fitting for a dress with Wolfy's cousins.  Wolfy's cousins hated me though, so it was really awkward that they were forcing me to put her up there to stand next to me.  But I found the cutest dress and Wolfy's tuxedo and we headed back to the hotel.  


I was so happy when we got back and heard that my siblings had arrived.  My siblings all wanted to be there but they had to rent a car.  None of them at the time had credit cards so they had trouble finding a car.  So they had to resort to a shady little car dealership that rented out some of their cars.  My poor sister was driving the 5 hour drive and was praying the whole time that the car wouldn't break down in the middle of nowhere.  But they finally made it safe and settled into their room.  Only to be kicked out by the hotel staff saying that there was a mistake and that their room had been overbooked.  My mother in law was not having it and gave the front desk an earful.  She had them calling out all the managers, and taking down emails of CEO's.  She was on a mission and finally they were able to get them another room. 


Wolfy still hadn't arrived so I was on the verge of a breakdown.  He was flying in from Chicago straight out of Navy schooling so I hadn't seen him in three months. When he finally arrived I was in his arms again and it was just the best feeling ever.  But then we find out one of his bags were lost.  Of course the bag with his Navy uniforms.  We couldn't really do anything but wait to see if they found it.  We went back to our room and tried to get some sleep through all the problems, and nerves, and excitement.  


When I finally woke I rushed out of bed to start my preparations.  With all that was going on I forgot one lovely detail to my wedded bliss.  It was my time of the month.  Boo...I hate you mother nature!  Of all the days? Come on!  What a boring honeymoon we were going to have.  Right when I was about to start crying, Wolfy calls me from the room.  I came out the bathroom and he was almost done putting on his tuxedo.  He looked so handsome I was smiling from ear to ear.  Then I saw his face, and was wondering, oh my gosh, what now?  I was so busy with trying to find a dress that I didn't double check Wolfy's tuxedo before we left.  His mom decided to pick out a red bow tie for him to wear.  He was mortified.  Only because he is pretty particular with the things he wears, and it sure wasn't going to be a red bow tie.  The morning of our wedding and he did not want to wear his tuxedo.  It was too late to call the tuxedo rental place and he didn't have any of his Navy uniforms either.  So he put on the dreaded bow tie and we headed to the chapel.


The Candlelight Wedding Chapel was a very cute little chapel.  And I'm not lying when I say it was little.  My walk down the aisle probably took only 8 steps, but I took little steps to stretch it out a little longer.  And the "preacher" was so weird.  His voice and the way he spoke with such a slow tempo of loud and soft made me think of going up and down little hills on a long road.  It  was not helping me take the wedding seriously.  So we stood there, Wolfy wanting to rip off his stupid bow tie, while I'm trying not to bust out laughing.  I was actually relieved that the ceremony was nice and short.  


The majority of the wedding guests waited outside while we set up to take some pictures in the chapel.  My older brother finally made it over to us to congratulate us.  But as soon as he hugged me I started bawling!  Not the cute little sentimental cry, but the loud, "I want my Mommy and Daddy" cry that I couldn't hold back anymore.  My brother tried to shush me but my in laws and Wolfy's cousins were all starring at me. What's the best thing to do before you take your wedding photos?  Yea full on cry your eyes out.  Ugh, it was so hard for me to finally stop crying, and then try to get the already swollen and red out of my eyes. I just had to suck it up and take the stupid pictures.  


That's when it came to me.  It wasn't suppose to be this way.  I'm not suppose to be getting married without my parents!  That's just not how it's suppose to be.  And the "universe" was trying to tell me that.    Everything that was going wrong was for a reason.  But it was too late.  I was immensely grateful to my in laws for taking on the expense of our little wedding, but in my heart I knew that Wolfy and I had gone at it the wrong way.  


Since then I always think back to our little Las Vegas wedding as a reminder to be aware of the things that I'm trying to force.  That I need to check my self when I want something so bad, but things just aren't working out.   I stop and think about the what I want, and what I need, and pray.  I've kept myself from making a lot of bad decisions this way.  


So, anyway why was our anniversary this past weekend in January when our Las Vegas wedding was in March?  Well our second wedding was in January.  Two years after our first wedding, we had our vows blessed in a church wedding...and it was PERFECT! 


But this blog is long enough...second wedding details coming soon. =) 

Why do I need to sleep?

So I'm attempting to just blog on the fly this morning. I'm weird that I like to think about what I'm going to write about, plan it out, then blog. This feels weird. I don't really know what I'm going to write about. I'm just typing to see if anything pops into my head. 


So welcome to 2012. (btw I totally started writing about something else and changed my mind and deleted it all) LOL I'm hopeless. So I guess one of the things that has been taking up my blogging and reading time is crochet and knitting.  My grandmother and auntie taught me how to crochet when I was a teenager.  I get in these crafty moods from time to time and break out my yarn and needles.  My 8 year old nephew recently started loom knitting so I wanted to try it too.  Hey if an 8 year old could do it, how hard could it be.  So I bought one and I loved it.  It is so much easier than knitting by hand. And faster. And already I've made 2 hats, and 2 scarves.  


The other thing that has got me obsessed lately is Pinterest.  It's this new website.  I guess you can call it an online pin board of things you love, recipes you want to try, clothes you like, places you want to go, and anything really. I LOVE IT!  Wolfy sits there and teases me about it, but I've found a lot of great ideas on there for storage, organization, and saving money.  Which of course has me wanting to do all kinds of other crafts...that take up my reading and blogging time. Ugh, why do I need to sleep. I would get so much done. 


So here are some links to some of the new projects I've found and done on Pinterest. You should try it. 


My daughter has so many headbands all over the house. I went to the dollar store for a cheap paper towel holder and a roll of paper towel.  I used fabric I had on hand to make this. Cost me $2. Here is the link to Headband Holder tutorial

Here is an example of loom knitting

I also found this recipe for super easy 2 ingredients Pumpkin Muffins. Genius and Delicious. 

Pinterest is currently invite only. Just let me know and I'll invite you. 
Happy crafting, cooking, and eating. =) 

Neglected Blog...

I'm sorry my lovely Blog. I've been busy, I promise.  I'm not ignoring you.  I haven't been surfing the web while you sit here blog-less for over a week.  I haven't been thinking of things to blog about then log in and have brain farts.  I haven't been catching up on all my TV show episodes I've been missing.  I haven't been hanging out on Facebook and Twitter, while you just sit here.  I promise...lol. 


Okay so I have been busy.  Funny thing about being busy is, I think back and I can't seem to remember what it was I was busy with.  I have been baking a lot though.  Too much actually.  I'm going to need to get back on some kind of workout program after this holiday.  Being a baker who loves pastries is like being a pot head and trying to sell weed. hahaha!! It's just all bad. 


Anyway, Christmas is here and I wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas (or "Happy" Christmas depending on what part of the world you are in).  Or Happy Christmahanakwanzika just so I don't leave anyone out. =)  Maybe after all the eating I'll be in the mood to blog again.


Here are some pics of my baking...

Thanks to PanipoposKitchen I've made panipopo for the first time and it was DELISH!

 German Chocolate Cupcakes

 Pineapple Tarts

Ugh...I Hate Funerals!

It was hard to be excited for Thanksgiving this year.  The day after Thanksgiving, when people are usually preparing for the busiest shopping day of the year, my family was preparing to attend a funeral.
I couldn't attend the funeral though.  But I didn't mind missing the funeral.  I don't like funerals at all! Especially Samoan funerals.  Samoan funerals are hard for me. They are busy, with lots of people you don't know, lots of food that need to be cooked for those people, and lots of gifts that need to be prepared for those people.  You barely have time to actually grieve.


When I was 12, my Father's Dad passed away.  My Grandpa was like THE MAN in my life when I was a young girl.  My Grandpa was the best.  He was sometimes mean and mostly grouchy to others but he spoiled me and I loved him and my Grandma with all my heart and soul and would do anything for them.  I would leave my parents on my school vacations so I could stay with my grandparents and help take care of them.  I loved it!  Being with them felt like home.  I never wanted to go back to my house.  So when my Grandpa died I remember thinking that I would never ever be more sad and hurt than I was at that time.  He was elderly and in and out of the hospital, but nothing prepared me to face a reality without him.  As a young awkward pre teen, the only way I knew how to cope with my grief was to cry.  And cry and cry some more.  To this day I think of him and miss him and my grandmother so much that I'm crying all over again like I was as a young girl.


During one of my Grandpa's services we were all given a chance to go to the casket and say our goodbyes.  They were letting the younger grandchildren go first so we all made our way  up to the casket.  I felt like I didn't want to do it.  I didn't want to remember him like that.  But my sister and my cousins were all telling us to go.  I was able to get some time alone at the casket.  He looked so peaceful, but I didn't like the way he felt.  So hard and cold.  This wasn't my Grandpa.  Why did he have to leave me? And I just laid my head on his chest and cried because I didn't want to say goodbye.  I felt an arm tug me upright and force me to walk out of the church.  It was my uncle.  He scolded me for taking so long and said "There are other people waiting!"
I was furious!  I was hurt and pissed because my uncle didn't seem to give a rat's ass.  So I wasn't even allowed to cry over my own Grandfather!?!  And who were these "other people"? Where were they when I was taking care of my Grandpa.  Why do those people get time to say goodbye to him when I get pushed aside like a stupid child.  I was so angry that night.  It's probably why I still get so emotional when I think of my grandfather.  I never really got to say my goodbyes the way I wanted to.  


Throughout my life I've noticed this pattern at Samoan funerals.  That old folks don't like people getting too overly emotional at funerals.  At my cousin's funeral his widow and his 1 year old daughter had to lay him to rest.  As we were ending the last service at the burial area, my cousin's widow just couldn't hold herself together anymore.  She started crying that desperate cry that makes me choke on a lump in my throat while trying not to cry for her and her pain.  But her mother shushed her.  She actually shushed her to stop crying!  I was appalled.  Her husband just died, her 1 year old daughter would never know what a great man and loving father he was.  And they wouldn't even let his widow fall apart, not even a little.   


I'm usually a quiet and calm person. But when I'm grieving, sometimes I just want to scream through the tears.  I want to be able to kick, scream, throw things, and even punch things if I want.  Sometimes the best way to get my emotional pain out of me is to do something physically exhausting so that I wouldn't have the strength to cry anymore.  That's just the way I am. 


I guess that's why I don't like funerals.  I am an emotional being.  If I am not allowed to be that, then I just don't want to be there.  =*( 


This is a video clip of what I think people should be allowed to do at funerals. Cry, scream, laugh, even hit people.  Whatever it is they need to do to get it out.  Okay so maybe not the hitting people part. 

Long distance relationships suck!

How to survive a long distance relationship? Hmmm... DON'T HAVE ONE!  Seriously.  Take it from me, it is horrible.  Wolfy and I were dating five years before we got married and I'd say 90% of those five years were spent apart.  The only thing long distance did was reek havoc on my emotions, sanity, and my body.  I don't know how Wolfy and I did it for so long.  I'm so glad we made it through those times, but we had it hard back then.  We didn't have emails.  We wrote good ole fashion hand written letters and sent them through snail mail.  We didn't have cell phones.  I rushed home everyday to make sure I didn't miss his calls, so basically I was stuck at home.  We didn't have Skype or Facebook.  I literally didn't see his face for months at a time.  For five long years this was us, and it sucked!

In high school, even when we were in the same city, we hardly got to see each other.  Samoan parents don't allow dating. My parents never allowed me to go out with friends, let alone a boyfriend. There was no way I was going to ask to go on a "date". Ha! Yea right!

My first year away to college was very hard on us.  I think we broke up and got back together at least twice that year.  But I was able to go home for holidays.  And each time it was so awkward being in each other's presence again.

One night in particular I remember.  Wolfy and I planned to get together and hang out and talk.  Nothing big we were just going to drive to the beach. I just wanted to see him after being away for so long. Wolfy picked me up and we drove to our beach lookout spot.  The moon was out and lit up the ocean water so beautifully like a thousand romantic candles guiding a pathway to the sky.  We sat on a bench and looked out to the beautiful view.  You would think with such a romantic setting Wolfy and I would have been all over each other. Except we weren't.  It was awkward.  Here we were, two people who were madly in love, and we just sat there, quiet for what felt like hours.  I tried making small talk, but it felt stupid like I was trying to make conversation with a random stranger.  Ugh, I hated that feeling.  That awkward feeling of forgetting how to actually BE together after being apart for months.  But that was after our first year of being long distance.  Sadly I just got used to being away from him.  And after lots of practice, seeing him after months apart wasn't as awkward as that first year away.  

But then it was replaced by horrible goodbyes.  I hated leaving Wolfy.  I would literally get sick every time I had to leave him.  One time in particular was the worst ever that I can remember.  Wolfy's mother and I had flown to see him graduate from Navy bootcamp.  I hadn't seen him or talked to him in 3 months.  In bootcamp he could only write letters to me.  And they didn't get much free time to write so his letters were always very short.  Being there with his mother was bittersweet because Wolfy didn't like being too affectionate in front of his Mom.  But I was just so happy to know that he was safe, and healthy, even if he was a little too skinny.  We got to spend a day and half with him and then we had to fly back home.  The drive to the airport was the loneliest drive ever even though Wolfy's mom was with me in the car.  But I was holding up pretty well I even surprised myself.  

That was until we got to our terminal.  We were early so we just sat there and waited.  It had given me too much time to think about Wolfy and how much I was missing him already.  Slowly the tears started to well up.  Then they flowed like a river.  Then the pain in my chest starts pounding so hard I could feel it in my ears with every heart beat.  I didn't want Wolfy's mom to see me so pathetic so I just laid my head down like I was napping, and tried my best to mask my sobbing.  Wolfy's mom finally noticed I was crying and put her hand on my back to try and comfort me.  It only brought on an even worse wave of pain.  I was a mess.  Even worse I made Wolfy's mom cry too.  The two of us looked like basket cases just sitting there crying.  I didn't care.  I just wanted to be with Wolfy, but I couldn't, so I was going to cry myself into a stupor.  When we were finally on the plane I welcomed the chance to cry myself to sleep.  The comfort of not having to be awake and thinking of him was all I wanted.   

The pain of that day is what made me wake up to the fact that I just couldn't do it any longer.  I was tired of being away from Wolfy.  I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but after that day, I decided to actually do something about it.  I can't remember exactly how long, but I think it was 6 months later we were married.  =)  And I guess the rest is history.  

Wolfy and I have been married 12 years now and I spend so much time with him that sometimes if I ask to go away for the weekend Wolfy's "sure go ahead" comes out before I can even finish asking. lol  Never in my wildest dreams, when I was sitting in that airport, did I think I would ever get to a point that Wolfy and I didn't mind being away from each other for a weekend.  But that's life.  If you don't push through the bad times...you'll never get to see the good times.  The BEST times.  

Just break up with him!

I've been coaching girls volleyball again for a couple of months now.  My girls have all graduated high school  and their ages range from 17 - 21years old.  Can you say "raging hormones".  Well, the other night one of my girls called in that she wouldn't make it into practice because her boyfriend was in town.  Ugh, so annoying.  This is why I am a firm believer in "boyfriends and Volleyball DO NOT mix!"  They just don't.  Boys always find a way to mess with your head right when you need to be focused on a game.

In my case, it happened to be a Volleyball tournament.  It was my first year in college. Wolfy and I had been going through the longest stretch of not seeing each other.  I was living, breathing volleyball and being around girls all day, everyday, had me craving Wolfy, even if it was just to hear his voice. The night before a big volleyball tournament, we had gotten into an argument and we broke up.  Honestly, I can't even remember what the argument was about.  I just remember that I was distraught.


Really quick background info on me.  I'm a ball of emotions.  I'm a Pisces, and I'm ruled by my emotions.  To make it worse, my mother is the same overly sensitive woman, and her mother was the same way too.  So I am totally screwed when I need to do something while trying to hold in my emotions. To this day, I am no good at it.  My sisters always tease me that I cry at Hallmark commercials, Kodak commercials,  ANY commercials. Anyway, thus the title of my blog, "My Emotional Roller-coaster".


So, the love of my life just broke up with me, and I had to wake up and play volleyball....yipee! Actually NOT!  My roommates heard what had happened and they were trying to comfort me all day, but nothing was working.  I tried to shake myself out of the funk.  "Snap out of it! Volleyball right now, cry later! Come on!"  Yea, that didn't work.  It was the first time I actually realized that athletes really are affected by the things going on in their personal lives.  Why? What did my emotions have to do with controlling my body to perform the skills to play?  Nothing really I guess.  It was my brain taking on too much, and keeping my body from reacting in it's usual manner.  Needless to say, I was a mess.  My coach realized there was something wrong with me and pulled me aside, away from the rest of the team.  Just the fact that she suspected something, had me on edge.  And all she had to do was ask "What's going on with you?", and I lost it!  I started bawling like she had just slapped me across the face.  My coach was not going to get a word out of me in my state.  So she left me alone, but not before throwing me a look of disgust.  Hey, I was disgusted with myself.  I thought I was stronger than that.  But the hurt was like a punch in the gut reminding me that I'm not the super strong girl I liked to think I was.


Finally, the tournament was over, and we all headed home.  I just collapsed into my bed and wanted to cry myself to sleep.  One of my roommates was checking our voice mail messages on our house phone.  I heard her yell for me.


"Reenie!"


Ugh, what now. Leave me alone!  But she came into my room with a look of shock and happiness at the same time.


She said, "He called. He left a voice mail. You have to listen to it!"


"Huh? Who called? Wolfy called?"


She shoved the phone in my face,"Yes, listen!"


It was Wolfy.  After the day I had, just to hear his voice melted away all my stress.  That wasn't all.  He called and apologized.  I couldn't believe it.  He knew that any one of my 5 roommates checked our voice mail messages and he still left me such a personal message.  I held the phone to my ear and collapsed back into my pillow with a smile as tears flowed over onto my cheeks.  I listened to it over and over again.  Wolfy said he made a mistake, and that he was sorry, and that he loved me.


And just like that my world was right again.


Anyway, so when I started coaching girls again, I asked how many of them had boyfriends.  Before any of them even answered I said, "Just break up with him."  They all laughed, but I was a little serious.  There is nothing worse than coaching boy-crazy girls and trying to get them to focus.  Just from my own experience, there is nothing any other person can do to relieve emotions connected to boyfriend drama.  So my advice would be to be single. At least until the season is done. LOL!  (I didn't say it was going to be earth shattering, change your life advice.) hahaha!

His Ex Girlfriend/Stalker

I am absolutely sure that Wolfy is my soul mate.  I just know it.  And he was my first love.  But I wasn't his.  (Or so he said. I wasn't convinced he knew love from infatuation at the time) When we were in high school, I asked him about his girlfriend before me.  I only knew of the rumors that were said about her. She cheated on Wolfy, so I thought there had to be some truth to the rumors.  I asked him how could he not see what kind of girl she was, and he said, "He was in love."  I wanted to puke.  What do you mean you were in love? With her!  I'm not your first love?  I've always hated that he said that he was in love with her.  But I got the guy, so I got over it.  

Unfortunately his ex didn't.  She became our biggest fan/stalker.   Stalker loathed me.  She had good friends in my classes that I think would report back to her on whether I was doing well in my classes...hello I was a nerd.  Of course I was doing well.  She had friends on my volleyball team to report to her if I sucked or not.  They reported from the bench while I was on the court.  Sorry no luck there Stalker.  So she resorted to trying to be the nice girl.  

One weekend at a Human Relations/Tolerance Camp we were both attending, she ended up in my group.  It was about 30 students and a couple of counselors having a discussion about race and stereotypes.  I guess she took it as an open forum to single me out.  She asked if we could be friends, and she'd really like to get to know me better.  I was horrified, and pissed at the same time.  I thought, she could have just came up to me and told me the same thing.  She didn't have to announce it to the group!  Unfortunately, I had to play along with her little game now that the whole group wanted us to be BFF's.  So I tried and it was awkward, but I survived.   I even felt good by the end of the weekend like I had actually accomplished something.  

After the Camp weekend I was excited to tell Wolfy of the new developments.  He had graduated already so I was waiting to meet up with him after school.  As soon as I saw him, I started spewing all the details of the camp, and the Stalker's attempt at being friends.  But I had survived and we were on good terms now.  Wolfy looked at me strange after my story.  

He asked me, "Are you sure?".  

I was confused.  "What do you mean, am I sure?  Yes, your ex and I are ok now."

You know that look on people's faces when you know they are about to tell you something you don't want to hear.  He had that look. 

Wolfy said, "Because on my way in here, I saw my ex.  She stopped me and pulled me aside.  She told me that you were not right for me, and that I should break up with you and take her back."

I was literally shocked.  But why? Why was I so shocked?  I knew this was the kind of person she was.  

"What the hell!  Just now?  Ugh, I should have known better.  Stupid me for even thinking she could change."  

After that I knew I could never trust her again. 

Fast forward to my first year in college.  I was in another state going to school and playing volleyball while Wolfy was still in our hometown.  He calls me one day and told me that Stalker ex showed up to his house out of the blue.

"What! Why? What did she want?"

Wolfy explains, "My Mom answered the door.  She saw her standing there with a baby in her arms."

"Baby? She had a baby?"

"I guess so.  My Mom thought nothing of it and asked her what was the baby's name.  She said Stalker named the baby after me!"

"She WHAT!!"  Yes, you read that right.  Stalker named her first baby, from another guy, after my boyfriend.

Wolfy continues, "My Mom asked her to wait and she came storming to the back and went off on me.  Yelled at me about this ex girlfriend at the door with a baby named after me.  She even asked me if the baby was mine.  I told her hell no, we never even had sex.  Ugh, it was so embarrassing to have to tell that to my Mom."  

I was livid.  Even worse I couldn't do much from another state.  I wanted to call my sisters and tell them to hunt this psycho down, but what good was that going to do.  They couldn't change a baby's name.  Wow, I never thought she would do something that crazy.  I didn't think she would ever show up in our lives again since high school was over.  Well, that was wishful thinking.  

Fast forward even more, to when Wolfy and I had been married 6 years with our first child and another on the way.  There was this little thing called Myspace that just became popular.  Basically a stalkers wonderland.  Wolfy had a Myspace not even a month and I see the Stalker ex on his friends list.  Oh, Wolfy heard it from me.  I told him to delete her crazy ass too.  But being your typical clueless man, he thought it was harmless.  So I became the stalker.  I hated it, but I wasn't going to just let her off that easy.  I went to her Myspace page and found nothing exciting or strange.  Until I looked at her photos.  She had an album dedicated to Wolfy, titled, "The reason why I know there are still good men out there".  She had taken pictures from Wolfy's photo albums and put them into her album.  Conveniently all the pictures of him alone, without his wife and kid.  

That was it!  I didn't care what Wolfy had to say, I told him to delete her, block her, whatever he needed to do.  I didn't want him having anything to do with her.  She had no boundaries.  

So, 12 years of marriage and five kids later, she is nothing but a distant memory, and a character in this blog post.  But, I think I don't trust women as much as I would like because of her.  But just as I was with the Stalker in high school, I am still always optimistic of the possibilities of meeting good honest women.  And I don't mind that Wolfy says I wasn't his first love.  As long as I'm his LAST.