Confessions of a Pisces

I believe this quote to be true.  Although this could apply to mothers in general, being a Pisces mother can magnify this fact ten times more.  Sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it.  I love helping people, and most of the time I don't think it's going to be that hard.  But sometimes, I get in over my head and then I just end up working myself into physical and emotional exhaustion.  And I know that I can spread myself thin sometimes, but my cousin made me realize how much I do put other people's desires higher than my own.  

It wasn't a serious talk or some deep discussion we were having.  I was telling my cousin about my Dad asking me to help them out with some dances for a dinner dance/luau they were going to have at their church.  My dancing days are so over it's not even funny.  And my initial answer was no of course.  But me being me, I think I can do anything.  I could do some research, make up some choreography for a hula, and something else, and then I could skype or video chat with my sister and teach her the dance so I didn't have to drive over an hour.  Yada yada yada, my brain keeps trying to figure out ways to help out my Dad. As I'm telling this to my cousin she just says, "But you are too busy with five kids".  That's it.  That's all she said.  Not only once, but twice. After I mentioned something else about maybe getting a part time job.  That's all she said.  So simple for her to just say it.  But how is it that it doesn't just click in my head that way.  Knock, knock, hello there you...yea you who is trying to do too much.  STOP IT!

I don't really know if I can.  It's become habit I guess.  If I'm not helping somebody with something I kind of feel like a slacker.  Which is why I volunteered to help with my kids and their annual Variety Show at their school.  Turns out I was THE ONLY parent that sent in the paper to volunteer.  I don't know if that's a sign for me to stop with the extra work on top of my number one job, but I'm still going to help out.  I've already told my kids I was going to help.  And it will probably be the last thing for a while.  Oh wait I volunteered with my daughters dance group too.  Okay after that.  That one will be the last time.  

Well we will see how well that goes.  Wish me luck!

"Mom can you do....EVERYTHING?"

I laughed so hard when I saw this picture.  And not because I'm not this Mom, but because I AM this Mom.  I thought, "Wow I really need to stop doing this to myself".  Just the other day my 4 year old was in a really bad mood.  Everything I asked her was answered in a high pitched whiny little cry.  Oh how I hate that voice!  So she finally just said, "I need to go potty!"  To which I answered as patiently as I could muster, "So go potty already".  Then she cried in that voice "But can you walk me to the bathroom!"  To our bathroom down the hall, literally 5 steps away.  LOL! Of course I walked her.  She's my baby and she wasn't in a good mood.  Which is what I'm telling myself now so I don't feel absolutely ridiculous for being that mom in this picture.  The things we do for our kids. I hope I'm not the only one out there like this. Right?.....Right! (crickets)

The Hunger Games vs. Telesa The Covenant Keeper

First of all before I get all kinds of appalling comments and bashing, I'm not comparing these two books as a competition of which book was better.  Although it was hard for me to read S.C.  It felt like I was reading someone on A.D.D. jumping from one subject to the next without any warning it seemed to me.  And I had issues with the way she ended the books like it was just another chapter.  But it doesn't mean I didn't love the books and finished the trilogy in a matter of days.  It's just my opinion as a reader.  I know nothing about writing books, so that's all I'm going to say about that.  I just recently read THG trilogy and I loved the books, but was left with an obsession over some pretty depressing books in my opinion.  I've read Catching Fire twice already and went back to re read The Hunger Games, but I had to stop reading it.  

I thought, "I really need to stop reading this series.  I love it but it just leaves me feeling sad."  

So what's my cure for depression over fictional characters? Of course Telesa.  Except for the obvious "Girl on fire" in both books.  The story of THG and Telesa have nothing in common to me.  Both books are awesome.  But being that I was tired of reading about people dying and favorite characters being killed off, I started reading Telesa, AGAIN, for the umpteenth time.  The only thing good about my Alzheimer like memory is that I get to relive certain parts of my favorite books like it was my first time reading the book again.  For example, how did I forget about the whole Mele and Leila confrontation before Leila does her taupou siva while Daniel sings.  While I was reading through that I remembered why I wanted Leila to burn that heifer's face off...LOL.(harsh I know)  And my heart just melting with just the little gesture of Daniel's arms around Leila in a crowded McDonald's.  Or the way he sticks up for Leila against the Telesa "psycho bitches". (swoon) What girl doesn't want a man to stand up and protect her against unimaginable supernatural power?  No girl, that's who.  I haven't even finished re reading Telesa again, but I just felt like I needed to blog about it.  Poor Jason is still sick in the hospital, so I gotta get back to my reading. (As if Jason will stay sick if I don't finish reading. smh I need real friends. lol)  Anyway, if you haven't re read your Telesa book lately, you totally should.  It always makes me feel better.  

A Tale of Two Weddings...Part 2

First of all let me apologize for taking so long to finally finish this Tale of Two Weddings.  I would have finished part 2 the week after part 1, but it's kind of hard to write about your second wedding to your loving husband when he was totally getting on your nerves.  But it's okay now.  ;) I'm also in season for my Club Volleyball team so that's been another factor in my neglect of my blog. (excuses, excuses right?)


So like I said in part 1, two years after our Las Vegas wedding, Wolfy and I renewed our vows in a church wedding.  I'm Catholic, so it took almost a year for Wolfy and I to finish classes so we could finally start making plans.  We went to couples retreats, marriage prep conferences, financial classes, and Catholic Sacrament classes.  It was a lot but we were lucky to have a wonderful priest in Father Wallace, our local parish pastor.  We just happened to live in military housing right next to this church that Fr. Wallace was pastor. ("Things happen for a reason")  Fr. Wallace knew how to explain and teach things to my husband in a way I never could.  After classes with Fr. Wallace Wolfy told me he had a whole new understanding and respect for Catholic traditions and why we do things that seemed foreign to him, who grew up attending Samoan Congregational Church.  But no matter what Wolfy learned, the one thing about the Catholic mass he loved most was the ONLY one hour mass. LOL


So we finally met with Fr. Wallace to finally try to find a date for our ceremony and plan out the mass.  While we were talking about our families I mentioned that my Mom and Dad were in a Catholic Samoan choir that mostly consisted of my family.  A big smile came over Fr. Wallace's face and he asked, "Do you think they would come out here to sing?"  I was kind of shocked he asked.  I never even thought of it because at the time Wolfy and I lived almost two hours away from my parents.  But I went home and called my Mom and she said she would make it happen.  I was ecstatic!  Basically half my family would be coming already because they were all in the choir. Yay!  We talked about having our vows renewed during a normal Sunday mass.  Fr. Wallace found an open Sunday and it just so happen that the Gospel reading for that Sunday was John 2: 1-11, The Wedding at Cana (Where Jesus performed his first miracle of turning water to wine). It was the perfect reading for such an event.  So the whole church would be showing up for a normal Sunday mass, except to find out that they were going to witness a young couple's vows being renewed in the Catholic faith.  My mother knows a lot about Catholic liturgy in the English and the Samoan mass so Fr. Wallace also allowed us to add Samoan customs to the mass.  


I don't know if it is because of my horrible memory or because my Mom took care of so much, but I don't really remember having to plan much.  I made heaps of phone calls to my Mom but I don't really remember stressing out over food, housing, clothes, or the service.  But I'm pretty sure it was my Mom.  She didn't want me stressing because I just found out I was pregnant with our first baby.  Which is the reason I opted out of another wedding dress for our second ceremony.  I wasn't about to pay for a fancy wedding gown just to have my little 5 month belly not fit in it.  So I chose some nice fabric my sister had just acquired from her mother in laws trip to Samoa and told my Mom to make me a nice and simple mumu'u and Wolfy a matching shirt.  Simple simple was my motto after all the trouble with the Las Vegas wedding.


The day was Sunday January 14, 2001.  It was the total opposite of our Las Vegas wedding as far as my stress level.  My family had already arrived in from out of town and they were all in their rooms.  Nobody got kicked out.  Everyone drove so no bags were lost.  I was pregnant so I had no trouble sleeping.  I even woke up early got dressed and Wolfy and I were early to the church.  Right at that moment I had a sense of peace and I just knew that everything was going to be okay.  


We were early so we greeted family as they arrived and headed upstairs to the choir loft.  My parents, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and even my nieces and nephews were there.  However, Wolfy's family only included his parents his brother and his sister.  All of his family attended our Las Vegas wedding so Wolfy didn't feel like inviting them all again.  It was especially emotional for Wolfy to have his Dad there.  Just four months before his Dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer and was going through chemo treatments.  He had already lost his hair and was losing weight, but he was always smiles.  Wolfy's Mom questioned why we needed to have another wedding, but Wolfy's Dad was a pastor's son, so he understood.  Although Wolfy and I appreciated everything they did for our first wedding, my Father in Law still understood that because of the way I was raised in the church, that it was just something that I really wanted to do.


Fr. Wallace arrived and was ready to start mass with his entrance procession, which was going to be including us.  Even though the majority of my family was there, it was nerve racking walking into a church full of strangers.  As we walked down the aisle people looked over but didn't really seem to care.  They probably thought we were going to be doing the readings for the mass.  Until Fr. Wallace announced the reason for the two extra people up front with him.  I wanted to look behind and see people's reactions but my Mom was out front moving us along the mass.  


This part of our ceremony was the Ifoga.  My Mom was signaling for Wolfy and I to step to the center of the church in front of the altar to kneel down.  My Mom and Aunt then covered us with a fine mat.  In the programs my Mom made for the mass it explained the ritual so that the congregation wouldn't be confused as to what was going on.  She described it as "...a Fine Mat, a symbol of humility and shame, and at the same token, asking for forgiveness and reconciliation from God. (The two covered represent all of us)."  I'd like to say that as we were covered I was emotional and deep in thought.  But I was pregnant, and it was hot under the mat so no deep emotional thoughts that I can remember.  However, it was weird, when Fr. Wallace removed the fine mat, I REALLY did feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  Not just the weight of the fine mat, but the weight of my guilt.  And I felt my eyes welt up with tears.  When we sat back in our seats, I grabbed Wolfy's hand and just smiled.  I couldn't help but be happy at that moment.


After the readings from the Bible, Fr. Wallace spoke of how perfect it was that the Gospel of the day should be about a Wedding and we were there to renew our vows in the faith.  That the Sacrament of Marriage was so celebrated that in John 2: 1-11, at the Wedding in Cana, Jesus at the request of his Mother, performed his first miracle.  That will always be my favorite Bible story.


It was then time to bless our wedding rings and recite our vows.  This was the least favorite part for Wolfy and I.  Yes it's the most important part of the ceremony, but we aren't people who like attention, and all eyes and ears were on us.  Thank God neither of us  fumbled any words.  But I think Fr. Wallace thought we were trying to whisper our vows because he held the microphone closer and closer as we said the vows.  Afterwards, everyone clapped and that was that.  The Sacrament of Marriage complete. 


The mass went on as normally done, with some other Samoan customs added to the liturgy.  At the presentation of the gifts, the choir switched gears, and sang a Samoan song.  My cousin, dressed as a taupou, lead the procession in dance followed with the gifts of the bread, wine, and flower leis.  I could just feel the excitement from the congregation as they were witnessing a Samoan siva for the first time ever.  And in church, during mass no less.  I couldn't help but notice a little smile on Fr. Wallace's face as stood a little taller after receiving his lei.  


When it was time for Communion, I was finding myself getting emotional again.  It would be my first time receiving Communion again after probably a year.  It actually should have been two years, but I was misled by another priest at a different church.  You see, I went to confession after Wolfy and I were married, knowing that I wasn't married in a Catholic ceremony and asked if I could still take Communion.  I don't know if the priest could hear me clearly because he was really old, but he told me I could continue receiving Communion.  One Sunday, not long after our first wedding, we visited my parents.  We were all in church and when it came time for Communion, I lined up as usual.  But my Mom stood up from the choir, walked over to me and pulled me out of the line.  That had to have been one of THE MOST embarrassing times in my life.  I looked at her confused and she told me I shouldn't be taking Communion.  I was genuinely confused, but she let me take Communion anyway.  But I couldn't help it, I was still just totally humiliated in my mind, and of course my mother made me cry.  Anyway, back to our second wedding day.  I was finally able to receive Communion, and just like the removing of the fine mat, I literally felt different after receiving Communion again.  I can only explain it as just finally being true to myself.  It was the way I was raised and falling in love, and getting married somewhere else couldn't change the fact that my faith is what put my soul at ease.  And when I was finally true to my faith, I was extremely happy.  


Mass finally ended and we walked up the aisle with Fr. Wallace.  A church full of strangers, and every single aisle we walked by were full of smiling faces, and congratulations.  How could I be any happier at that moment?  I tell you how...food! LOL I didn't realize that my family had been setting up a buffet line outside of the church for everyone to share in the festivities.  As soon as I walked out of the church I could smell Mom's sapasui, and I was immediately starving. (Did I mention I was pregnant lol)  As people were coming out they stopped to congratulate us, and just couldn't stop going on about the choir and Samoan parts of the mass.  I grew up singing in a choir, so I guess I don't appreciate it as much as the people who don't get to have mass with a full choir every Sunday.  I do have to admit that with the acoustics in the church they sounded beautiful.  Wolfy's Dad described it as sounding like a choir of Angels.  


So we ate, took pictures, cut cake, took more pictures and ate some more.  But afterwards when the men were all full and heading back to their t.v.'s to watch Sunday Football, I just couldn't stop thinking how the day could not have been more perfect.  It was just a simple little day, but oh so perfect.


At the beginning of this long post I used my irritation with Wolfy as an excuse for my lack of inspiration to finish part 2.  But it was actually my hubby who pushed me to finish what I started.  Even after 13 years he still inspires me.  I'm constantly giving him a hard time because I'm always tired and busy, but when I really need him he always takes care of me.  It hasn't been easy, and sometimes still isn't, but knowing that I have him as my partner in life makes me look forward to the next 13 years.  Here's to hoping I'm able to share those wonderful years with you all too!


 ~Reenie

Excuses, Excuses

So this weekend Wolfy and I actually spent a weekend away from the kids.  It's been ages since we actually spent time alone without at least one or two kids.  So we had plenty of time to talk.  Since we were headed to Las Vegas we were reminiscing about our first wedding from "A Tale of Two Weddings (Part 1)".  I told him that I actually wrote about it on my Blog and he was surprised.  Surprised that people actually read my Blog but also that people are actually interested in our little story.  But then I had to confess that I haven't finished writing Part 2 yet.  Leave it to him to kick my writing back into gear.  He told me "If you said you were going to do it you better get it done.  At least start writing a little at a time."  Which I've done, but now I just need to finish it all.  I just wanted to update on my return to my blog. =)  I haven't forgotten about you Blogger world.  I've missed you.  


On a side note, before we left for Vegas I was looking up the directions to our old Wedding Chapel from our Hotel.  But it was gone!  Literally not there anymore.  We wanted to drive by and maybe even take pictures in front of the place we had our first wedding.  Unfortunately it was moved to another city nearby into the Clark County museum park that preserves old Las Vegas historical attractions.  We weren't able to go see it but I want to take my kids to that museum someday.  


Okay, gotta go...no more excuses for me. 

A Tale of Two Weddings...part 1

This past weekend was our 13th Wedding Anniversary.  Wolfy and I actually have two Wedding Anniversary dates.  


Our first wedding was in Las Vegas in March.  Yes we actually got married in Vegas.  But it wasn't suppose to be that way.  At least that's what I realized afterwards.  Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong.  


My parents were not at my first wedding.  I was raised in a Catholic home by two very devout Catholic parents, and they wanted no part of a wedding in Las Vegas.  That was like my parents worst nightmare come true.  Their "good daughter" was on a downward spiral and they couldn't stop it.  Oh, but they tried. I almost canceled the wedding.  The week before my wedding my mom got my Auntie to call me.  She cried on the phone and pleaded with me to not go through with it.  I was suppose to get married in the church, with all my family around, and with my parents there.  But it was too late.  Arrangements had already been made and we couldn't just pull out or else Wolfy's parents would have lost money.  


So we headed to Vegas.  We didn't even get a chance to settle into our rooms because I had to go to a fitting for a dress with Wolfy's cousins.  Wolfy's cousins hated me though, so it was really awkward that they were forcing me to put her up there to stand next to me.  But I found the cutest dress and Wolfy's tuxedo and we headed back to the hotel.  


I was so happy when we got back and heard that my siblings had arrived.  My siblings all wanted to be there but they had to rent a car.  None of them at the time had credit cards so they had trouble finding a car.  So they had to resort to a shady little car dealership that rented out some of their cars.  My poor sister was driving the 5 hour drive and was praying the whole time that the car wouldn't break down in the middle of nowhere.  But they finally made it safe and settled into their room.  Only to be kicked out by the hotel staff saying that there was a mistake and that their room had been overbooked.  My mother in law was not having it and gave the front desk an earful.  She had them calling out all the managers, and taking down emails of CEO's.  She was on a mission and finally they were able to get them another room. 


Wolfy still hadn't arrived so I was on the verge of a breakdown.  He was flying in from Chicago straight out of Navy schooling so I hadn't seen him in three months. When he finally arrived I was in his arms again and it was just the best feeling ever.  But then we find out one of his bags were lost.  Of course the bag with his Navy uniforms.  We couldn't really do anything but wait to see if they found it.  We went back to our room and tried to get some sleep through all the problems, and nerves, and excitement.  


When I finally woke I rushed out of bed to start my preparations.  With all that was going on I forgot one lovely detail to my wedded bliss.  It was my time of the month.  Boo...I hate you mother nature!  Of all the days? Come on!  What a boring honeymoon we were going to have.  Right when I was about to start crying, Wolfy calls me from the room.  I came out the bathroom and he was almost done putting on his tuxedo.  He looked so handsome I was smiling from ear to ear.  Then I saw his face, and was wondering, oh my gosh, what now?  I was so busy with trying to find a dress that I didn't double check Wolfy's tuxedo before we left.  His mom decided to pick out a red bow tie for him to wear.  He was mortified.  Only because he is pretty particular with the things he wears, and it sure wasn't going to be a red bow tie.  The morning of our wedding and he did not want to wear his tuxedo.  It was too late to call the tuxedo rental place and he didn't have any of his Navy uniforms either.  So he put on the dreaded bow tie and we headed to the chapel.


The Candlelight Wedding Chapel was a very cute little chapel.  And I'm not lying when I say it was little.  My walk down the aisle probably took only 8 steps, but I took little steps to stretch it out a little longer.  And the "preacher" was so weird.  His voice and the way he spoke with such a slow tempo of loud and soft made me think of going up and down little hills on a long road.  It  was not helping me take the wedding seriously.  So we stood there, Wolfy wanting to rip off his stupid bow tie, while I'm trying not to bust out laughing.  I was actually relieved that the ceremony was nice and short.  


The majority of the wedding guests waited outside while we set up to take some pictures in the chapel.  My older brother finally made it over to us to congratulate us.  But as soon as he hugged me I started bawling!  Not the cute little sentimental cry, but the loud, "I want my Mommy and Daddy" cry that I couldn't hold back anymore.  My brother tried to shush me but my in laws and Wolfy's cousins were all starring at me. What's the best thing to do before you take your wedding photos?  Yea full on cry your eyes out.  Ugh, it was so hard for me to finally stop crying, and then try to get the already swollen and red out of my eyes. I just had to suck it up and take the stupid pictures.  


That's when it came to me.  It wasn't suppose to be this way.  I'm not suppose to be getting married without my parents!  That's just not how it's suppose to be.  And the "universe" was trying to tell me that.    Everything that was going wrong was for a reason.  But it was too late.  I was immensely grateful to my in laws for taking on the expense of our little wedding, but in my heart I knew that Wolfy and I had gone at it the wrong way.  


Since then I always think back to our little Las Vegas wedding as a reminder to be aware of the things that I'm trying to force.  That I need to check my self when I want something so bad, but things just aren't working out.   I stop and think about the what I want, and what I need, and pray.  I've kept myself from making a lot of bad decisions this way.  


So, anyway why was our anniversary this past weekend in January when our Las Vegas wedding was in March?  Well our second wedding was in January.  Two years after our first wedding, we had our vows blessed in a church wedding...and it was PERFECT! 


But this blog is long enough...second wedding details coming soon. =) 

Why do I need to sleep?

So I'm attempting to just blog on the fly this morning. I'm weird that I like to think about what I'm going to write about, plan it out, then blog. This feels weird. I don't really know what I'm going to write about. I'm just typing to see if anything pops into my head. 


So welcome to 2012. (btw I totally started writing about something else and changed my mind and deleted it all) LOL I'm hopeless. So I guess one of the things that has been taking up my blogging and reading time is crochet and knitting.  My grandmother and auntie taught me how to crochet when I was a teenager.  I get in these crafty moods from time to time and break out my yarn and needles.  My 8 year old nephew recently started loom knitting so I wanted to try it too.  Hey if an 8 year old could do it, how hard could it be.  So I bought one and I loved it.  It is so much easier than knitting by hand. And faster. And already I've made 2 hats, and 2 scarves.  


The other thing that has got me obsessed lately is Pinterest.  It's this new website.  I guess you can call it an online pin board of things you love, recipes you want to try, clothes you like, places you want to go, and anything really. I LOVE IT!  Wolfy sits there and teases me about it, but I've found a lot of great ideas on there for storage, organization, and saving money.  Which of course has me wanting to do all kinds of other crafts...that take up my reading and blogging time. Ugh, why do I need to sleep. I would get so much done. 


So here are some links to some of the new projects I've found and done on Pinterest. You should try it. 


My daughter has so many headbands all over the house. I went to the dollar store for a cheap paper towel holder and a roll of paper towel.  I used fabric I had on hand to make this. Cost me $2. Here is the link to Headband Holder tutorial

Here is an example of loom knitting

I also found this recipe for super easy 2 ingredients Pumpkin Muffins. Genius and Delicious. 

Pinterest is currently invite only. Just let me know and I'll invite you. 
Happy crafting, cooking, and eating. =)